After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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