Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
