I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Sober January is a disaster.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
