I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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