Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
