you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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