we have officially lost it.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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