we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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