Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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