Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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