god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
