Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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