hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
