Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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