I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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