Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
that may or may not have been my penis.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize