his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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