...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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