I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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