Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
