what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize