I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
