So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
