well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
