He kissed a someone with a penis
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
