So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
