Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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