Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Randomize
