i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
