I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
