Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
