Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
