so explain again why im purple
no
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
