My Higher Power is John Stamos
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
sarcasm needs its own font
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
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