i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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