She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
