I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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