She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
