found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
