We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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