i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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