You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
