We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
