omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
