i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
