the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
