No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
