just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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