my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
