I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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