You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
