I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
