the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize