Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize