ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize