so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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