I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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