have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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