normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
