3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I looked at my own cervix.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
