The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
