Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
