First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
