Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
