sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
