after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
