I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
