I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
