Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
