Me too!
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Im part way to drunk.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
