Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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